Everything

关于我

你好，我是Christine。上一次编辑这个页面时我这样写自己：

物质生活不太讲究，懒，好养活，不挑食。精神生活矫情点，看电影，看剧，看话剧，看书，看杂志，收限量，听唱片，听podcast，写影评，写文章，旅行。

性格散漫，好相处，好说话。对人性持悲观态度但喜欢跟不同的人讲话。对社会和人类充满兴趣，喜欢观察人类。身边朋友多但会时常感觉孤独。

道德底线低。无障碍理解人性的灰色地带。对激情的持久性持怀疑态度但不畏惧爱情。离开了谁都可以好好活着。

小时候的理想是当个作家。现阶段的理想是找到工作好好赚钱。人生的终极目标是（赚够钱后）自己做编剧导演拍一部电影。

渴望自我实现。渴望理解。渴望自由。

现在的我重新回看这一段，后知后觉地发现，四年前的我或许真的是个小孩，而在过去四年里，那一部分我从未长大，并在很长一段时间里为此骄傲着。所以，请忽略以上所有的修辞吧。我是一个愚蠢的人，一个自私的人，一个自大的人，一个习惯性俯看别人的人，一个伤害了别人的人。或许有一天我可以明白如何做一个更好的人，或许我永远无法变成一个更好的人，但我会一直慢慢往前走。

About Christine

Hi, this is Christine. Thanks for visiting my personal blog. Four years ago when i edited this section, I wrote down the following things:

I come from a small city nearby the sea called Dongying in China. Now, I live in Chicago and study financial mathematics in UChicago. Although I’m a science student, there’s an art person inside me who reads books, watches movies and listens to different kinds of music and podcasts. Also, I write articles and novels for fun.

As for this website, this is the place where I post everything I’m interested in. Since I’m actively looking for full-time positions of quantitative trading, sometimes I put my new ideas about trading strategies here. Besides that, I took short notes on interesting tools/packages I found online while researching. What’s more, when new products/apps are published, I also love to write down my own ideas of those new things and predict how customers would react to them.

Except for topics I listed above, sometimes I’d love to write down my own feelings and thoughts about the world. When I was a teenage girl, my dream was to become a writer and create my own world. Tho the dream was killed by the real world lol, deep inside, I still enjoy writing. This place also gives me a space to take notes of those pieces of my mind.

Hope you could enjoy my words as much as I do.

At that time, I was a student who was desperately trying to secure a job before graduation and as you can tell, the above is some boring standardized bullshit. Four years later, what I want people to know about me is, I’m not perfect and I will never be. In fact, I’m a horrible person in a lot of aspects and I can finally admit that. I make mistakes, I hurt people, I did bad things and I was not brave enough to change myself. I left scars that may never heal and I will forever feel sorry for that. You are probably looking at a person who’s at her lowest and who will never be happy again. That’s ok and don’t feel sorry for me because I guess after all this, I will try my best to be a better person. I may never achieve that but you’ll see me keep trying.

About this website

After what happened in the past four years, after all the happiness, sadness, loss, struggles, blood, sweat and tears, I finally can say it out loud that I was lucky enough to have someone I respect and love to give me this idea to put down my thoughts and words here so people can see something concrete about me. Time flies and I hurt people so bad that they may never ever wanna come back to my life and at this moment, I realize what I can do is to at least keep this website alive, write things down as what we expected when we first set up this website together, and cherish every beautiful thing they have left in my life. I will carry all the memories with me, no matter they are good or bad, pretty or ugly, happy or sad, and move forward. I have trouble letting things go cuz without them, I’ll never be me and I’ll never forgive myself for letting them go. So, welcome to this website, welcome to my shattered life.